Gaming Today |
- Call of Duty: Black Ops Walkthrough
- Walkthrough Weekend: God of War: Ghost of Sparta, James Bond 007: Blood Stone, The Force Unleashed 2, Fable III, Fallout: New Vegas
- Call of Duty: Black Ops Cheats
- Here’s Where You Can Get Call of Duty: Black Ops at Midnight Monday Night
- PIXELthon Retro Games Marathon to Benefit Child’s Play Happening Now
- GT5 Gets the NASCAR Spotlight This Weekend
- Direct2Drive Has a Big Sale this Weekend
- Top 5 Religions That Would Make Great Games
- Microsoft’s Kinect Review
- BigPoint CEO Doubts SW: The Old Republic “will be profitable. Ever.”
- Genesis A.D Free-to-Play Open Beta Client
- Icewind Dale II – Last of the Infinity Engine Games Now on GoG.com
- 9 Reasons Kinect Is From the Future
| Call of Duty: Black Ops Walkthrough Posted: 05 Nov 2010 09:04 PM PDT
Call of Duty: Black Ops’ core playerbase might be too young to remember, but there is plenty of goodness for older folks to sink their teeth into when it comes to game’s setting. Whether its Russian Roulette a la Deer Hunter or simply the ugly majesty of the Soviet Hind helicopter, the Cold War provides all sorts of excellent iconography. Treyarch’s side-sequel to one of the best-selling games of all time is sure to do boom business, and it intends to provide all the Call of Duty stuff you know and love while adding some extra special sauce, like customizable aiming reticules. There are also zombies, of course. Below, you’ll find a complete walkthrough to the single-player campaign. Check back on release day for the first updates! Or check out our other pages if you’re looking for cheats, trophies, or achievements.
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| Posted: 05 Nov 2010 08:39 PM PDT
Things are gearing up, and you’ll want to have things finished up before the Black Ops juggernaut drops next week. Two quality, under-the-radar titles came out this week — we’ve got useful material for James Bond 007: Blood Stone and God of War: Ghost of Sparta. Other Fall favorites like The Force Unleashed II, Fable III, and Fallout: New Vegas are also covered. Below, we’ve compiled all the insider cheats, unlockables and walkthrough information you’ll want to have on hand. Walkthrough Weekends will be a recurring feature, so check back every Friday to read all the most useful hints, tips, guides and lists from the previous week. That way, you’ll be prepared when 5 o’clock on Friday rolls around. Don’t spend your free time staring at loading screens! James Bond 007: Blood Stone WalkthroughIntelligence
God of War: Ghost of Sparta Walkthrough
The Force Unleashed II Walkthrough
Fable III Walkthrough
Fallout: New Vegas WalkthroughSkill BooksSnow GlobesHollow RocksUnique WeaponsCaravan Cards
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| Call of Duty: Black Ops Cheats Posted: 05 Nov 2010 08:09 PM PDT
Activision will be hoping to leave Medal of Honor’s lukewarm reception bleeding in the dust with this title. Call of Duty: World at War was mostly notable for its zombie-killing mayhem, but it looks like Treyarch have stepped it up big time for Call of Duty: Black Ops. Featuring an under-served era of historical conflict (the Cold, or, in this case, not-so-Cold War) and all the bells, whistles, and graphical fidelity you expect from a Call of Duty title, the game is sure to provide 6-8 hours of immaculately-choreographed single-player. After that’s done with, you can join Black Ops’ frag-hungry pubescent player-base and start the competition to see which 13-year-old spawn camper can besmirch the memory of ‘Nam most spectacularly. Below you’ll find links to a complete step-by-step walkthrough, trophies and achievement lists, and whatever other goodies we manage to uncover. Call of Duty: Black Ops Walkthrough Call of Duty: Black Ops PS3 Trophies Bronze TrophiesSacrifice — Ensure your squad escapes safely from Cuba Death to Dictators — Use a single round to bring down Castro Give Me Liberty, Or Give Me Death — Escape Vorkuta Slingshot Kid — Destroy all slingshot targets in 3 attempts VIP — Receive orders from Lancer A Safer Place — Sabatoge the Soviet space program Tough Economy — Use no more than 6 TOW guided missiles to destroy the tanks in the defense of Khe Sanh Looks Don't Count — Break the seige in the battle of Khe Sanh SOG Rules — Retrieve the dossier and the defector from Hue City Raining Pain — Rack up a bodycount of 20 NVA using air support in Hue City The Dragon Within — Kill 10 NVA with Dragon's Breath rounds Heavy Hand — Use the Grim Reaper to destroy the MG emplacement Up Close and Personal — Silently take out 3 VC Double Trouble — Use only dual wield weapons to escape Kowloon Broken English — Escape Kowloon Never Get Off the Boat — Find the Soviet connection in Laos Russian Bar-B-Q — Incinerate 10 enemies with the flamethrower attachment in the POW compound Some Wounds Never Heal — Escape the past I Hate Monkeys — Kill 7 monkeys in under 10 seconds in the Rebirth labs Clarity — Crack the code Double Whammy — Destroy both helicopters with one TOW guided missile from the deck of the ship Frag Master — Kill 5 enemies with a single frag grenade Sally Likes Blood — Demonstrate killer economic sensibilities by taking down 3 enemies with a single bullet Unconventional Warfare — Use the explosive bolts to kill 30 enemies Closer Analysis — Find all the hidden intel Matinee — Watch a film or clip with a friend Gamblin' Fool — Finish 5 Wager Matches "in the money" You Can Do It — Reach rank 10 in Basic Training The Collector — In Zombie mode, buy every weapon off the walls in a single game CLASSIFIED — CLASSIFIED Hands Off the Merchandise — Kill the Pentagon thief before it can steal your load-out Sacrificial Lamb — Kill 6 zombies after getting shot by a Pack-a-Punched Crossbow bolt Insert Coin — Access the terminal and battle the forces of the Cosmic Silverback in Dead Ops Arcade Easy Rhino — In Dead Ops Arcade, use a Speed Boost to blast through 20 or more enemies at one time CLASSIFIED — CLASSIFIED CLASSIFIED — CLASSIFIED Silver TrophiesVehicular Slaughter — Destroy all enemies on vehicles during the prison break Lord Nelson — Destroy all targets and structures while making your way up the river Pathfinder — Guide the squad through the Soviet outpost without them getting killed Mr. Black OP — Enter the Soviet relay station undetected With Extreme Prejudice — Get to the POW compound in the Hind using only rockets Light Foot — Escape the ship with 2:15 left on the timer in Veteran No Leaks — Make it through the NOVA 6 gas without dying on Rebirth Island Stand Down — Complete the campaign on any difficulty Down and Dirty — Complete "SOG" and "The Defector" on Veteran difficulty It's Your Funeral — Complete "Numbers," "Project Nova" and "Victor Charlie" on Veteran difficulty Cold Warrior — Complete "Operation 40″, "Vorkuta", and "Executive Order" on Veteran difficult7 Not Today — Complete "Crash Site," "WMD" and "Payback" on Veteran difficulty Burn Notice — Complete "Rebirth" and "Redemption" on Veteran difficulty Gold TrophiesBLACK OP MASTER — Complete the campaign on Hardened or Veteran difficulty Call of Duty: Black Ops X-box 360 Achievements Sacrifice — Ensure your squad escapes safely from Cuba — 10G
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| Here’s Where You Can Get Call of Duty: Black Ops at Midnight Monday Night Posted: 05 Nov 2010 06:09 PM PDT
Everybody knows by now that Call of Duty: Black Ops is probably going to have the biggest opening ever for any form of entertainment. Naturally, that means a whole lot of people are going to want to pick it up on Monday night at midnight. And it looks like Activision’s midnight launch for Black Ops will be the most widespread ever as well. I don’t exactly live in the most densely populated area, but there are six different place within four miles of my apartment at which Activision is holding midnight launch events: two Wal-Marts, two Gamestops and a Best Buy and Toys R Us. That’s crazy. What this means is that if you have any of those chain stores near you, they’ll probably be open at midnight Monday. But if you want to be absolutely sure, callofduty.com has an aggregated midnight opening store locator. Head over there, plug in your zip and there you go. I’ll see y’all online next week. Oh, s**t, I forgot something. The first people to line up at all the participating Wal-Mart locations get free Black Ops bandanas. Once you’ve got the game and rushed home after midnight to play it, check out our full walkthrough!
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| PIXELthon Retro Games Marathon to Benefit Child’s Play Happening Now Posted: 05 Nov 2010 05:00 PM PDT
So some children at my alma mater*, the University of Alabama, have a gaming group called ABXY (yeah, I know), and they do like 37 niche gaming events every week and blah blah blah, and right now they’re doing a retro games marathon live on ustream, and they call it PIXELthon. They’ve got two teams — Team Mario and Team Sonic, of course — playing games side-by-side, and they’re competing to see, well, which team the viewers like more. The marathon is a charity event, and it benefits the Birmingham Children’s Hospital iteration of Child’s Play. When you donate, you can request they play a new game or vote for one team or the other or or against one team or the other or, really, whatever kinky thing you want to request. The marathon just started within the last hour, and they’re going for 49 hours straight, from 6pm CT today to 6pm CT on Sunday. Anyway, check it out and donate some money. The stream is here, and the donation page is here. *I use the term loosely, because hahaha I have no degree. But I went to school there for like six years, so….
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| GT5 Gets the NASCAR Spotlight This Weekend Posted: 05 Nov 2010 04:29 PM PDT
What you see there is the No. 20 GameStop car, which is driven by Joey Logano. This weekend, NASCAR is taking a jaunt out to the Texas Motor Speedway in Fort Worth for the Nationwide Series O’Reilly Auto Parts Challenge and the Sprint Cup Texas 500, and the GameStop car, as you can see, has a bit of a new paint job for the weekend. They’ve slapped some GT5 on the hood, and this is a good time for it; they want everyone to know that, yes, the game is still coming out soon, and, hey, NASCAR is in the gameYou can catch the No. 20 on Saturday in the Challenge on EPSN2 at 12:30-ish ET. Just for fun, here is a quote from Logano talking about how great GT5 is:
You hear that? A NASCAR drive endorse GT5. It’s better than that game you love, he says. I’m sold. Also, since that quote came through GameStop PR, it seems to lend some credence to the November 30 release date we were talking about yesterday.
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| Direct2Drive Has a Big Sale this Weekend Posted: 05 Nov 2010 02:59 PM PDT
As I reminded everyone earlier this week, Black Friday is fast approaching, and and so maybe now is not the right time to jump on game sales. That said, some people just can’t help themselves when it comes to buying games (I can relate to that, since I’m an alcoholic), and so this notice is for those folks. I got an email this afternoon that says now through Sunday, you can get 25% off all purchases of $49.95 and up at Direct2Drive by using coupon code BIGSAVINGS at checkout. You cannot use the discount on pre-orders or games already on sale. But Direct2Drive does have a bunch of games, so I’m sure you can dig around and find something you like if you wanna take advantage of the deal, and, hell, if you don’t have New Vegas yet, this is probably the time to get it, because it’s awesome and it’s been patched. But, hey, the best deals require a little effort. see: Black Friday.
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| Top 5 Religions That Would Make Great Games Posted: 05 Nov 2010 02:41 PM PDT
Ever notice how elements of Karma, reincarnation, the afterlife, or the aliens in Scientology would work well in a video game? If not, Ranker.com will show you how. Enjoy. Top 5 Religions That Would Make Great Games |
| Posted: 05 Nov 2010 01:56 PM PDT
First off, the Kinect is not Microsoft’s answer to the wiggle and waggle Wii controllers. The new functions of the camera make you the controller, just as the marketing materials claim. Players manipulate the Xbox 360′s new Kinect Hub by waving hands, moving and speaking clearly to the unit and in many ways that is pretty cool. The technology has great potential to change the way people use their Xbox 360. It also opens up some gameplay types that were previously unavailable to traditional controllers. The Kinect knows how to track the human body. It senses your joint movement and recognizes the hands and hips very well. Shades of Minority Report’s futuristic swipe interface are present in the way the peripheral reads and interacts with the player but the technology for now, at least, feels a bit less futuristic and more “beta testing”. Microsoft claims that the Kinect is in effect a new console for Xbox users. The company wants 360 owners to adopt the new technology and it makes good strides in integrating the peripheral in ways it has failed to do in the past for add-on hardware like the Xbox camera.
Kinect hits all these points exactly. The new unit does in fact work to control and track users for the Xbox 360, but Microsoft held back from fully integrating the controls in the latest dashboard update. By requiring users to switch over to the “Kinect Hub” to use the hand controls for a very limited number of applications – notably excluding the updated Netflix application, which seemed custom designed for Kinect control, you will find yourself needing to keep that controller or remote close at hand. The bundled Kinect Adventures game is a good example of a launch title – anemic but focused on showing off the new tech of the Kinect sensor – it offers a nice diversion and is likely to get players comfortable with the new interface of body control but it is unlikely to be a staple game six months down the line when developers better understand the best ways to use Kinect’s unique features.
The Kinect expects players to be seated or playing within a four by six foot rectangle in front of the unit. There is a maximum distance at which the camera works well and most of the launch games assume this zone of emptiness to support play, especially games like Dance Central and Your Shape Fitness Evolved. Living rooms and bedrooms are common spaces where people play Xbox games, and before you buy this tech you need to think about if it will even fit your layout and lifestyle to leave that much open space available. I hope your spouse isn’t too attached to that coffee table or you like sliding it out of the way whenever you use the Kinect, because that what the camera requires you to do. When seated the Kinect had no problem detecting my hands and addressing my sweeps and waves to control the hub. The lack of buttons and limited hand gestures used at this point however make the Kinect very limited right now. Standing I noticed some oddities in seemingly inconsistent situations. Sometimes the camera would track my movement well, but other times my on-screen avatar seemed to spasm or twitch in odd ways and the console ignored my hand movements forcing me to repeat them. This twitching didn’t happen incredibly often in the menus but I experienced it when playing Kinect Adventures, Dance Central and Your Shape. The bottom line is that Kinect is a technology with a lot of potential. One day it could truly revolutionize how we interact with our game systems, TVs, stereos or whatever devices recognized its input, but right now it feels like new technology searching for a killer application. Microsoft is working hard to get the peripheral into homes. I can’t imagine it becoming the focus of my 360. Right now, it is just easier to use a remote or controller since the Kinect has such limitations and unless I’m planning to play a Kinect-centric game, I’m unlikely to switch over to the Kinect Hub or use the incomplete voice controls. Those interested in the potential of the device should really wait a few months until the developers, and Microsoft, figure out how best to utilize this new and impressive tech. Pros
Cons
The Verdict: 60/100
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| BigPoint CEO Doubts SW: The Old Republic “will be profitable. Ever.” Posted: 05 Nov 2010 12:24 PM PDT
Hubertz core argument is that games with large development budgets, like the assumed $100 million plus EA has spent on Star Wars: The Old Republic, can’t make a profit using the traditional MMO subscription model. “If you look at a game like Star Wars from EA and BioWare, they estimated a development budget of more than $100 million. This is an online game for many million of subscribers, so a big publisher does not understand that a subscription model is not the future. “With micro-transactions and longer lifetime maybe I see a chance for this game but I don’t think that EA or BioWare will be profitable with this game. Ever.” Hubertz claims that the traditional development model aimed at one platform or approach is not broad enough to return the company’s investment in development. He declares that the future of profitable online games is in diverse platforms and markets. This isn’t the first time someone has come forward claiming doom and gloom for Star Wars: The Old Republic, but Hubertz is at least not spreading gossip as a bad sport. While the full text of GI.biz’s interview with Hubertz is not yet available, it is not clear what the developer sees as the right path other than diversification of format or device. It is also not clear he is comparing apples to apples in his statement about the traditional subscription model or even supporting the micro transaction based free-to-play approach as an alternative. This comment appears premature in any case as EA/Bioware has not revealed its funding plans for the upcoming Star Wars MMO. Retail games also include the up-front returns due to sales that traditional free-to-play web games don’t get. Turbine’s Lord of the Rings Online and Dungeons & Dragons Online are seeing assumed renewed profitability, despite no platform expansions, though both games use a hybrid subscription and micro transaction approach. Without understanding the exact impact of either business model on new or existing games it is hard to accept Hubertz’s assertions. BigPoint itself is focused on free-to-play flash/browser-based casual games, and uses micro transactions to make money for developers it hosts in its network. Is the move away from subscriptions really the solution for online games, or is Hubertz making a generalized statement without all the facts, and picking on EA/Bioware to grab attention?
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| Genesis A.D Free-to-Play Open Beta Client Posted: 05 Nov 2010 11:56 AM PDT
You can download the client from FileFront’s Free and Fast Servers Need an account? Sign up here. In the year 2231, an alien world has been found to replenish Earth's dwindling supply of resources. The only problem is that that planet is also teeming with alien life, ready to savagely attack any outsiders. While the EEPO prepare to take what they need despite the cost of alien life, a group of resistance from within takes hold, appalled that this primitive world won't have a change to evolve into an advanced civilization, and fight to sabotage their mission. As the fate of an overpopulated Earth looms in the balance, every capable fighter must choose their side. Key Features
      
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| Icewind Dale II – Last of the Infinity Engine Games Now on GoG.com Posted: 05 Nov 2010 10:20 AM PDT
Icewind Dale II was the final Infinity Engine game produced by Interplay under its D&D license. The game continued the action heavy/story lite approach of the previous Black Isle title but also tweaked the game in preparation for the then newly released Dungeons & Dragons 3rd edition rules. While Bioware’s Neverwinter Nights would be the first fully 3rd edition compatible game, Icewind Dale II introduced a hybrid approach including Sorcerers and new more powerful player races like Drow Elves. Unlike the original Icewind Dale, IWD II has a fairly well written story.
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| 9 Reasons Kinect Is From the Future Posted: 05 Nov 2010 04:27 AM PDT
Last year, I showed a non-gamer friend some Project Natal to see what he thought about this weird new thing. Well, he thought it was weird. But he also had one very interesting piece of insight. He said said it looked like Microsoft had cobbled together some sort of crazy future technology that, judging by the dumb “slap the red balls” game, they had no idea what to do with. That they don’t know what to do with it isn’t the important part, though; what is important is that it’s a bunch of future tech slapped into a plastic case that’s selling for $150. How do we know it’s from the future? Here’s nine reasons why:
1. You will eventually be able to use it to prevent murder.
Have you seen Minority Report? In that movie, Tom Cruise waves his arms around like a wild man and somehow that makes his computer do stuff. It’s totally awesome, and Kinect is basically that, except you don’t have to wear leather gloves with blowy balls on them. What I’m saying is this: in 2054, DCPD will prevent murder by hooking an Xbox 360 and Kinect up to some drug-addled psychics. This is a fact. If you can believe it, MIT has been working on something like this for 20 years. And yet Microsoft beat them to the punch and Kinect does way more than what the fancy schmancy MIT thing can do. Thus Kinect is from the future. Or they killed a bunch of the MIT guys and stole their work. It’s a tossup, I guess, but for the purposes of this list, it’s definitely from the future I win. 2. You can talk to it.
“Xbox play music. Xbox pause. Xbox switch to the motherf**king Bama game.” Where have we seen people interacting with their inanimate technology by talking to it before? Oh yeah, science fiction. In the future, you won’t ever have to actually physically do anything in order to turn on a light or open a door or put on your clothes or masturbate, because all you have to do is yell that you want something done and the robots will do it for you. Yeah, Kinect certainly has it’s limitations in terms of what it will do when you yell at it — you can’t even turn on your 360 that way — but Microsoft had to sacrifice some things in order to get production costs down and to make the thing seem a bit more like something people of the present could have made. 3. It can see in 3D through some method no one understands.
Kinect uses a camera with “3D sensing” rather than using an actual 3D camera. It uses this thing called a PrimeSensor from a company called PrimeSense. The company’s website says the PrimeSensor is a standalone thing that you can use to change channels and s**t on your TV, but really the only thing it’s ever been used for is Kinect. Here’s how it works, per the PrimeSense website:
Ooooooooookkkkkkkkk. I don’t know what that means, you don’t know what that means, and anyone who says they do know what it means is either f**king lying or the person who brought this crap from the future, because nobody who is from this point in time could possibly make something like that. 4. It’s virtual reality.
About right now you’re thinking this whole list has jumped the shark. You’re like, “wot d hell mang U knO itz not that.” But it is. Look at that picture there. There’s a kid who’s holding his hands up in front of his face like he’s holding a steering wheel and driving, because he’s playing a driving game, except there’s nothing at all in his hands. What could possibly make someone do that aside from virtual reality or drugs or dementia or some really badass new dance craze? The answer is nothing, and it’s certainly not some insane “you be the controller” input device for a video game console, right? Right? The truth is that Kinect projects the game straight in to your brain. This might mean that Kudo Tsunoda is the Riddler. 5. Milo
Yeah, I know Milo is kibosh. But that doesn’t change that fact that he, an actual AI, exists. Morpheus may have said that we created AI “early in the 21st century,” but guess what; we haven’t done it yet. We can’t do it, and the reason Milo isn’t going to market is because Peter Molyneux and co. were unable to fully grasp Milo’s programming so as to ensure he would not do all the horrendous s**t that the movies have taught us AIs will do once they’re unleashed upon the world. And he definitely would have done those things had he been in millions of homes and plugged in to the internet in most of them. Aside from The Movies, keeping Milo in a box is the best thing Peter Molyneux’s has done for the world. 6. It’s built for a era in history in which everyone has enormous living spaces.
For Kinect to work, you have to stand at least six feet from the sensor, and that’s only if you wanna play alone. For more folks to join in, you’ll need even more space. Now, I don’t know where you live, but I live in a small apartment. There is a way I could arrange all my s**t so I could have enough space to use Kinect with more than one player, but it would leave my TV facing a window, which means I’d have a nasty glare on the screen during the afternoon, as the window faces west. And now I’m trying to imagine what kind of hilarious sitcom scenario it would have taken to arrange the closet I inhabited in LA to make Kinect work, and my mind is now on the verge of exploding. So we’ll move away from that thought. Anyway, Microsoft wants everybody to have Kinect, even though probably a good percentage of the people who have Xbox 360s can’t. Why the hell would they make something like that in the world we live in today? They wouldn’t, because the device is from the future. A future in which most everyone died from New Plague or some other future disease we don’t know about yet. After that epidemic, only like 1300 million people are left in the whole world, and everyone has big houses. And they can all use Kinect very effectively because they have 100″ wall screens and can stand 20 feet away for all anybody gives a s**t. 7. It replaces your pets.
While everybody is going down because of the New Plague or whatever it is that kills everyone, a crazy new mutated strain of distemper (which affects all cute animals) gets loose from the military lab that created it, and it kills all household pets. This is why Kinectimals exists, because I really can’t imagine why anyone would want that game if they could have a real pet around. What I’m saying is that literally the only scenario in which Kinectimals’ existence could ever make sense would be in a world without pets. This is when you join the conversation once more and tell me, “I tink U mite b rEchN ‘gen,” but you’re wrong. You may think Tomagotchi nullifies my argument, but it doesn’t, because that was a thing you played with at school when you were away from your real pet. You can only play Kinectimals when you’re at home in your extravagant mansion. 8. It uses magic.
Microsoft isn’t even bothering to try to hide this one. If you head over Xbox.com and visit the Kinect section, you’ll see this question: “What is Kinect?” And answer: “Magic disguised as technology.” Holy crap. This explains why the camera tech in Kinect is so inscrutable, certainly. We can’t know how it works now because we won’t invent the the ability to channel magic with machines for many more years. In fact, all that camera mumbo jumbo probably actually is mumbo jumbo, because the camera probably doesn’t do anything at all as the whole thing is just magic. That being the case, Kinect had better support Rick Deckard’s photo editing software that let’s you look around corners.* 9. It’s made so even morons can use it.
Has anyone every really had that much trouble with a gamepad? I mean, when I went from being a hardcore PC gamer to a hardcore console gamer, it took me some very small amount of time to adjust to playing shooters with dual sticks, but it’s not like it was a terribly intellectual enterprise. Come on, grandpa, stop being such a little bitch and just try. You keep dementia at bay by excercising your brain, not your legs. Anyway… The people of the future are generally really stupid, because people use the internet, which in turn makes them feel smart, even though all they’re consuming is humorous lists (this list in particular is designed to make you dumber) and stuff like this. Before your grandkids know it, we’ll be using peanut butter as toothpaste and getting drunk off water, because that’s just how the world will work in a society in which water is actually vodka. In a world like that, you can’t rely on consumers to be able to learn anything. “But, Philllllll, if everybody is so dumb in the future, how is it that they made Kinect and a time machine to bring it to us?” It’s very simple. There were a few smart people left, and those people were forced to design exciting things for the barbarians to play with. These things, naturally, had to be very simple and easy to use, and so they made Kinect and gave it the tagline: “You don’t need to know anything you don’t already know.” This worked really well on the barbarians. Eventually, though, the barbarian hordes decided to purge all the smart people from the face of the Earth because their faces were annoying. They couldn’t quite get everyone, though, and the last few smart people retreated to a secret facility in Alaska where the barbarians could not reach them because it’s f**king cold up there, bro. They stayed there for hundreds of generations, waiting for the hordes to die off, but it didn’t happen. The last brave souls realized that nothing would ever improve, because the dumb people were too dumb to all die out and all the smart people were so inbred by that point that nothing good could come from them starting the repopulation. And so they constructed the Conduit, er, a time machine and gathered all the technology they could and travelled back in time to give it to us in hopes that we could use it to save our future. And that’s how Kinect came to us. The end*That’s a Blade Runner reference, dumbass.
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